NEVER Feed A Warrior Cat Catnip
by MoonshineMisty
Summary: Come along with ThunderClan as they go through a huge whirlwind of randomness and... You guessed it TWOLEG THINGS! I do not own anything that I mention in this book like car types, food types, songs, and different products.
1. Chapter 1: Fail Ads

**Hey guys, if you want, you can use these ads in your funny warrior cat parodies, but give me credit for them, okay? Thanks! Bye!**

**Kitty TV by RiverClan**

Graystripe: *is hunched over on a patchy bed of moss in a corner of the camp clearing, crying with onions stuck on his eyes*

Leopardstar: *appears suddenly, wearing a horrible fake sympathet look* Has a friend or family member just died recently? Are you sad and crying in a corner?

Graystripe: *nods fake sad and bursts into horribly fake tears again* Oakpaw... Too young to die... *tries not to laugh* *cough*he'snotreal*cough*

Leopardstar: *beams* Well today is your LUCKY day! Introducing the KITTY TV!

Stonefur: *walks in pushing a large, fancy TV* ow...oof...

Leopardstar: With our all-new Kitty TV, you can take your mind off anything!And they come in four colors! Nightstar Black, Bluestar Gray, Whitestorm White, and Crookedstar Brown! *picks up remote woven from bracken and clicks the mouse-bone button*

TV: *shows Firestar and Brokenstar wrestling, sweating heavily and yowling, "I am the ruler of this forest!" With their fur slicked down with hair gel*

Graystripe: Oh! Aha! Haha! Go Firestar! Hahaha! *puts on fake, cheesy smile* I feel so much better!

Leopardstar: *grins stupidly (no offense Leopardstar, you're AWESOME)* Yeah, right?

Cloudtail: *rides down on a hawk* Call seriously-it's-not-awesome today! Yes! Seriously-it's-not-awesome today! It's seriously awesome!

Lilykit: *rides into camp on a white pony* weareresponsibleforhappymoodsa  
ndjoyduetothekittytvbutnotbeingelectrocutedandyingsuddenlyfromboredom

Graystripe: Wait WHAT?

*static*

**ThunderClan's Meeting Island Cafe**

Hollyleaf: *is sitting impatiently at a Gathering, stomach grumbling hungrily*

Leafpool: *slides up beside her and whispers in ear* Are you bored and hungry? Do you want to go home?

Hollyleaf: Yeah! *thinks* not

Leafpool: Today is your lucky day! *leads to a small shop with Squirrelflight making French-fried mice* Try our fried mice! Or- *gestures to Mousewhisker busily making lightly cooked vole with popcorn stuck to it with honey* try the sweet-kennel-corn-vole! And you can always have the famous squirrel stuffed with catmint for dessert! *flicks tail at Ashfur stuff if catmint into stretched-wide squirrels, grunting with the effort*

Hollyleaf: Wow! Wow, wow, wow! Thanks a ton, Mom! I'll have the fried mice! *fake smiles and steps away cautiously*

Poppyfrost: Comin' right up! *hands some mice*

Hollyleaf: *tries some and dies for second time*

Cloudtail: *falls down from an oak tree above, and gets up with a cheesy smile* Go to the Gathering Island now! We're open anytime, any day. We cater! Call another-real-ad today! That's right! Another-real-ad!

Lilykit: *floats down on a huge leaf* wearenotresponsibleforanydeathscause  
dbyposionorgettingpawstonguesandpadsburntgoodbye.

**WindClan's Meeting Island Donut Shop**

Onestar: Mistystar, are you tired of having to steal donuts from Twolegs?

Mistystar: Yup. *sigh*

Onestar: Well that ends today! I have just opened a very nice Donut Shop at the Meeting Island!

Mistystar: Wow! *tries not to barf*

Onestar: I know! We currently have TEN whole flavors! Carob Mouse, because, we can't have chocolate, Carob-Glazed Vole, Plain Squirrel, Jelly Rabbit, Vanilla Pigeon, Apple Magpie, Raspberry Thrush, Super Sprinkle Blackbird, Sugar-Glazed Sparrow, and Super Lemon Fish!

Mistystar: So many flavors! Mmm! Where can I get a sample?! *turns green*

Onestar: Right at the Island!

Cloudtail: *swims up to shore* Call 888-888-donut today! Yes! 888-888-donut! Hurry up, otherwise we'll sell out of donuts!

Lilykit: *pops out of hole in ground* weareresponsibleforlovingthisplacebutnotforhatingitordyingfromhorriblefood.

Mistystar: *barfs in background*

**ShadowClan's Catmas Tree Place **

Blackstar: Hello, Whitetail. Are you bored of having to steal Twoleg Catmas trees every Catmas?

Whitetail: *Nods grumpily*

Blackstar: Then come to ShadowClan's Catmas Tree Place! We give out perfect, cat-sized Catmas Trees, for only ten rabbits maximum, and five mice minimum!

Whitetail: Woooow! *fake smiles* Isn't that great?

Blackstar: And, for only THREE VOLES, we'll give you different ornaments, such as well-crafted wood balls, cobweb balls with frozen dew-drops, assorted herbs, that are completely safe, *cough*not*cough* and knots of beautiful grasses and flowers! Plus, we even sometimes give out the EXCLUSIVE frozen snow-ball!

Whitetail: O.M.G. *tries to look awed but looks bored*

Cloudtail: *flies down using his tail as a helicopter* call 444-444-trees today! Again, 444-trees-suck! If you order in the next two minutes, you can get a 40% off discount! So order today!

Lilykit: *Jumps out of a plane and floats down with a pink parachute* wearenotresponsiblfortreescrashingdownoncatsandkillingthemorkitsdyingfrom badherbslikedeathberriesgoodbye.


	2. Chapter 2: The Trip

It's Catmastime in the Clans and cats are preparing like mad! Let's take a look and look from a young kit called Lilykit's point of view.

Lilykit raised her head and heard bells. It must be nearing Catmas! she thought excitedly. "ThunderClan Kit Choir!" It was Feathertail waiting outside. Lilykit woke Seedkit up quickly and raced outside to see that Feathertail had built a beautiful little ice stand for the kits. "Let's practice Jingle Mice!" she chirped. Dewkit, Amberkit, Snowkit, Lilykit, and Seedkit lined up and sang,

"Leaping through the bracken  
On a five mouse bramble-covered hunt  
Through the undergrowth we go  
Pouncing all the way  
Hairs on tails bristle  
Making mice die  
What fun it is to pounce and leap  
On a hunting patrol tonight"

"Oh, jingle mice, jingle mice  
Hunting all the way  
Oh, what fun it is to hunt  
on a five mouse open hunt  
Jingle mice, jingle mice  
Hunting all the way  
Oh, what fun it is to hunt  
On a five mouse bramble-covered hunt!"

"Bravo!" Feathertail cried. "Let's hear Santa Cat is Coming to the Clans!" So the kits sang,

"You better watch out  
You better not yowl  
Better not mewl  
I'm telling you why  
Santa Cat is coming to the Clans"

"He's making a leaf  
And checking it twice  
Gonna find out Who's yowling and nice  
Santa Cat is coming to the Clans"

"He sees you when you're hunting  
He knows when you're patrolling  
He knows if you've been yowling or good  
So be good for goodness sake!"

"O! You better watch out!  
You better not yowl  
Better not mewl  
I'm telling you why  
Santa Cat is coming to the Clans  
Santa Cat is coming to the Clans"

Beside themselves with tears, the ThunderClan cats yowled for more. Feathertail called over the screeching, "Do Rudpolph the Pink-Nosed Mousie!" The kits sang, their throats dry and eyes watering in the cold air,

"Rudolph, the pink-nosed mousie  
had a very wet nose.  
And if you ever saw him,  
you would even say it sniffs."

"All of the mice  
used to squeak and call him names.  
They never let poor Rudolph  
join in any mousie games."

"Then one snowy Catmas Eve  
Santa Cat came to say:  
'Rudolph with your nose so wet,  
won't you guide my leaf tonight?'"

"Then all the mice loved him  
as they shouted out with glee,  
Rudolph the pink-nosed mousie,  
you'll go down in history!"

Feathertail was overjoyed. "Sing Winter Forestland!" she shouted, not realizing the kits were losing their voices.

"Meowing cats yowl, are you listening,  
In the brambles, snow is glistening  
A mouse-free sight,  
But we're happy in this clearing.  
Walking in a winter forestland..."

The kits coughed and stopped, eyes wide. Feathertail looked a bit embarrassed as she lead them back to the nursery.

Sorreltail rolled her eyes and opened the fridge in the nursery- "Wait, we have a fridge?" Brightheart asked.

"Uh, yes," Sorreltail answered, pouring some apple juice for the kits, who lapped it up thirstily.

"And since when have we had those weird, multicolored things?" the older queen asked, prodding a cup.

"I got those from Ikea," the brown queen answered.

"What's Ikea?" Brightheart asked, blinking her eye curiously.

Sorreltail threw a brick at her and got out My Little Tigerstar plates and plopped down mouse sandwiches on them, "with extra squirrel sauce".

Lilykit took a large bite and rasped through a mouthful, "Momma, why is Brightheart drinking Seedkit's apple juice?"

Her mother glanced over to Seedkit's place in her nest, where unconscious Brightheart's muzzle was resting in her kit's juice cup. Sorreltail lifted Brightheart into her nest and patted her muzzle with a damp piece of moss briskly.

"Why don't you two bring out your Clan Beauty dolls? I'm sure you would have so much fun!" she mewed, closing the fridge and stacking up the cleaned plates and cups into a cupboard next to the fridge and under the sink.

"I need to move this stuff," Sorreltail huffed. So she told Lilykit to go tell Daisy to build a new den.

"Day-zee... Day-zee..." Lilykit called. "Momma says for you to get your big fat lazy self to some bracken and honeysuckle and make a cooking den! She also says-"

Just then the almighty Moonshine spoke up in her beautiful, clear, loud, musical voice, "Hey, hey, hey! Lilykit, we don't need to tell Daisy about how many Warriors fans think she's a big, fat, lazy, arrogant, stupid, stuck-up snob-"

Daisy ran off crying to Spiderleg, who said, "There, there, we all know it was *cough*true*cough* I mean UNTRUE, TOTALLY UNTRUE..." Daisy smiled at him cluelessly and Graystripe, who was passing by, sang "Clue-less!" in a high pitch voice, and Daisy held up a rabbit by the ears and whacked him until he fainted. Lilykit was watching in awe while Ferncloud screeched on and on about kits watching violence, and she was shoved into Firestar's den randomly, where she asked him to build a new den. Of course no one wanted to, so he called the StarClan Construction Workers (the SCW), who made one in no time. Soon there was a fridge, loaded with sandwiches, leftovers, and frozen-fresh-kill, a microwave, a cupboard, a stove with an oven, a dishwasher, a sink, and a freezer.

Lilykit was bored. She batted at her ThunderClan Beauty stuffed cat with short brown tabby fur and wide green eyes. On its tag the name read: Oaklight. Amberkit laid beside her, chewing a piece of moss like a Twoleg she saw did with some weird pink stuff called gum. She smacked her lips together loudly and chewed more, stroking her WindClan Beauty doll with mottled tawny fur and narrowed amber eyes, that was named Sandgrass. Seedkit impatiently shook her silky silver RiverClan Beauty cat with wide sparkling river-blue eyes, named Streampebble.

"I'm bored!" Lilykit said finally.

Brightheart was knitting little moss sweaters for her kits while Sorreltail played Catmas songs merrily on her new radio and read her Clan Magazine.

The song stopped and a voice on it said, "The Clan Cats Mall just opened today! Get yummy treats, buy fresh-kill, or toys! You can even get moss sweaters, socks, shirts, mittens, and pants! There are even an exclusive moss boots! Go today!" Sorreltail put down her Clan Magazine down and turned off the radio.

"We do need some clothing..." she considered. "And Ferncloud and I need some groceries. Come on, kits!" Brightheart nodded as Lilykit and Seedkit rolled to their paws.

"Amberkit, Snowkit, Dewkit, that goes for you too. Let's go!" Amberkit hopped up excitedly, but Snowkit and Dewkit moaned.

"Can Daisy stay with us, please?" Dewkit wailed. Daisy, who was stretching outside of the den in the cold frosty air, stuck her head in.

"I'd be honored," she mewed, laughing stupidly. Dewkit and Snowkit bounded over to her.

"Is it snowing?" Lilykit squeaked.

"No, little one, but it's getting frosty!" Brightheart answered as she slipped out and crunched over the brittle ground. Huffing with frustration, the three kits squeezed out, puffing their breath out into the sky. Lilykit turned around and threw her Oaklight doll back into the nursery, where it caught on a thorn and was ripped to shreds, sadly. :(

"NOOOOOOOO!" she screamed. Seedkit, who was listening to Katy Perry Fireworks on her iPod was singing aloud annoyingly, handed her the Streampebble doll, then jerked it back suddenly and threw it into the nursery, where it ripped, too.

"OH BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIIREWORK- WAIT! NOOOOOOOOO! STREAMPEBBLE..." she wailed, singing the last part in the tune of Fireworks. Amberkit gently laid her Sandgrass doll in the nursery and stepped back out and gathered up her meditating mat.

"Mom, can I bring my iPoddddd?" Lilykit asked, grabbing Seedkit's iPod, ripping the earphones out, and throwing the main part into the gorge.

"Noooo...!" Seedkit whimpered.

"Yeah, yeah, now how do we get to the Clan Cat Mall?" Sorreltail asked, studying GoogleMaps intently. Brightheart went out of the camp and then drove her mint-green, old-fashioned convertible in the clearing, breaking half of the protective bramble screen and cracking the ground.

"GET OFF MY LAWN YOU CRAZY KIDS!" Firestar yelled out of his den entrance with curlers in his fur and a bathrobe on.

"IT'S ALMOST SUNHIGH, GET UP!" Amberkit yelled back. Firestar stuck his head out of the den again.

"NO!"

"Sheesh, what a grumpy rabbit," Lilykit mumbled, just as a rabbit with curlers in its ears jumped out and squealed angrily. Brightheart did a few wheelies and then Sorreltail and the kits climbed in. The kits started watching Brambleclaw Bond Skyfall, the movie, secretly, and then a light gray kit fell out of the sky and landed in between Seedkit and Amberkit and landed on Lilykit.

"OW!" she yowled as the kit was nearly blown out of the car by Brightheart's crazy driving.

"Hi, I'm Skykit," he said casually. The other kits exchanged perplexed glances.

"Lilykit. And... This is my sister Seedkit and our friend Amberkit," Lilykit replied as Amberkit spat out her moss-gum in surprise. The spit-covered moss landed right smack between Skykit's eyes and he wiped it off. It blew onto Blackstar's black Tesla's windshield and he veered off the road in panic into Mistyfoot's silver Audi.

"Whoops," he muttered. The rest of the kits stared at him.

AT ZE MALL...

Lilykit walked into the mall and heard Applause by Lady Mewmew. Immediately Seedkit started dancing and singing.

"APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE," she sang loudly. Sorreltail hurried her along as all the cats stopped and stared at them silently. They rushed into a store called Ze Catmas Tree and stared into the face of a plump ginger tom with a jolly fake white beard.

"Ho ho ho! Want to get your picture taken with Santa Cat, little kits?" he chuckled.

"AHHHHH! NO! CREEPY STALKER CAT!" screamed all four, running out. Lilykit looked around curiously. She saw random loners, RiverClan, ThunderClan, WindClan, and a couple of kittypets, but no ShadowClan.

"Why is there no ShadowClan?" she asked Brightheart.

"They're still going old-fashioned," she replied, checking her claws. Smiling evilly, the tiny kit had a plan.

"Firestar, we need to take ShadowClan to Florida Disney World!" Lilykit announced.

"And why is that?" Firestar mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn. He was watching a movie about Tigerstar's life and was deeply interested in it.

"'Cause they're still going old fashioned. Ya know, uncooked fresh-kill pile. Normal dens. No peanut butter. No pop tarts!" she explained. The ginger tom looked thoughtful.

"Why would going to Disney World help them?"

"They'd see how awesome Twoleg things are and convert to modern warrior cat style!"

"I see. I'll buy tickets online for a plane ride to Florida. StarClan can sponsor..." Firestar now had an evil grin on his face.

Meanwhile, in StarClan...

"Gosh darnit, Firestar!" Bluestar snapped as she read the orange tom's email: Hi Bluestar. I'm taking ShadowClan and ThunderClan on a trip to Disney World in Florida. I charged the plane money and Disney tickets to StarClan. Bye!

"What?" asked Whitestorm.

"We have to pay for Disney World tickets and plane tickets for two Clans! And the largest ones!" the blue-gray she-cat growled. Whitestorm stared at her

"Well?" Bluestar growled. Whitestorm fell over backwards.

Back in the Mall...

Lilykit saw Mistkit and Nightkit press up against the glass window. She giggled as they fell back and heard one say, "Must be ice."

"No, that's glass!" she grinned.

"GAAAHH!" both kits yelled, startled.

"Glass?" huffed Mistkit.

"Uh-huh. It doesn't melt like ice. It's Twoleg tech," Lilykit explained.

"Tech?" asked Nightkit,

"You know, iPads, cell phones, laptops, TVs. Tech is like new stuff, cool stuff, modern stuff," the ThunderClan kit offered.

"Um. What are those?" Mistkit asked.

"They... Oh, never mind, Firestar can tell you at Disney World," Lilykit grumbled.

"HI CATS OF THUNDERCLAN AND SHADOWCLAN!" Firestar yelled.

"Hi," chorused the two Clans.

"WE ARE CALLING OFF THE KIT CHOIR COMPETITION UNTIL WE GET BACK FROM OUR WEEK AT DISNEY WORLD!" he shouted.

"Yay!" cheered Lilykit. More time meant more practice. More practice meant a better chance of winning. And all in all, she wouldn't miss the competition! And she could still go to Disney World! There were mutters from WindClan and RiverClan. Before Lilykit knew it, Mistkit and Nightkit had slipped into the shop, Clan Beauty Dolls Palace, and were staring in awe at Tribe Beauty dolls, Kittypet Beauty dolls, Loner Beauty dolls, RiverClan Beauty dolls, ShadowClan Beauty dolls, ThunderClan Beauty dolls, and WindClan Beauty dolls. There were even Ancient Cat Beauty dolls, and exclusive Prey Beauty dolls! Ginger squirrels, sleek with fluffy tails, fuzzy mice with pink noses, sparrows with gleaming brown feathers, and so on. Lilykit followed them.

"Oh my StarClan..." she gasped, eyes widening. A beautiful StarClan Beauty doll sat in the middle of the shop. Her fur was glittering silver, sparkling like stars, but soft and silky, not as artificial-seeming as a kittypet's or as water-toughened as RiverClan. It was just natural, perfect silkiness. Her minty green eyes gave off a tang of sharp beauty. Her perfect pink nose was soft with fuzz. The tag was the most beautiful name ever. Silvershine.

"That is the most beautiful Beauty doll ever!" the kit sucked in her breath.

"Oh there you are, Lilykit! Time to go home!" Sorreltail meowed from the doorway. She was holding grocery bags and ushered her kits into Brightheart's green convertible.

"Wake up, Lilykit. C'mon. Today we go to Disney World!" Sorreltail whispered in Lilykit's ear. The small kit raised her head and pawed at her leaf backpack. She managed to sleepily pull it on and stumbled out the door. Firestar was waiting in a white van (Twoleg size) with THUNDERCLAN printed on the side in red. Brambleclaw sulkily was driving the black van with SHADOWCLAN printed in dark gray on the side.

"Hop in!" the ginger tom yelled. ThunderClan flooded into the van. The kits and apprentices perched on the tops of the seats, while the elders and queens stretched out on the seats with as many senior warriors as they could fit. The younger warriors sat on the floor, waiting on the scratchy carpet. Va-va-varoom! the engine growled. Tires screeching, the van rumbled out of the camp, tearing a hole in the bracken, with Brambleclaw smoothly driving along next to him.

"HI SHADOWCLAN! GRAB YOUR BAGS AND GET IN BRAMBLECLAW'S VAN!" Firestar yelled, pawing at the air towards Brambleclaw. ShadowClan grabbed their bags and tumbled into the van. Brambleclaw pushed down a TV from the ceiling in their van and a safety video started playing. The same thing happened to Lilykit's van.

*video starts*

Hello, welcome to the Clan-Van Safety Video. To buckle your seat belts... Oh never mind. I forgot we don't have seat belts. In case of a fire, break the window nearest to you and jump through it. In case of a flood, prepare to die. In case of an earthquake, hide under your seat. It's totally safe. There's totally not some dangerous stuff that could fall on you down there... Um... So that's it.

*video ends*

Staring at the screen, the warrior cats were quite perplexed until Graystripe yelled, "OKAY!" With a screech, the vans wheeled out of the camp, destroying the walls and dens like they were mice. Lilykit heard horrified screams from ShadowClan. Feeling bored, she tossed a CD to Firestar. He slid the disk into a slot and music started playing. It was Skykit's favorite, Dubstep. He put on a pair of oversized headphones and started shaking his body all around. Sighing, Lilykit drifted off to sleep.

**Me: Hi guys! Please read and review! Note that I pre-wrote this so I won't be able to change much for a while. Excuse the non-funny-ness, the next few chapters are hilarious, I promise. By the way, my warrior cat author name is "Moonshine". I occasionally make an almighty appearance in the books! Now Cloudtail, do the disclaimer for the Christmas songs and Ikea. NOW.**

**Cloudtail: I hate my job. Fine. IAmRue, er, Moonshine, does not own any of the Christmas songs OR Ikea OR any real-life product that she mentioned in this chapter. NOW CAN I SHUT UP, MOONSHINE?**

**Me: Yes. Now go away! And teach Skykit how to PROPERLY ride a Segway... It's getting out of hand.**

**Skykit: *bangs into walls on Segway* **


	3. Chapter 3: The Airport

Lilykit padded into the airport and her eyes widened. Thank goodness warrior cats have taken over this place! she thought. It was still Twoleg size. Everything was huge! A RiverClan she-cat in a blue uniform led the large group up the escalator to security.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! The sensor thingy went off as Firestar tiptoed through it.

"Sir, please come here," a hefty ShadowClan guard ordered.

"NOOOOOO! DON'T KILL ME!" screamed the ginger tom in terror, scrambling away. The guard stared after him for a moment, then shrugged.

"I guess he doesn't want our My Little Pony special figure. It was a unicorn-Pegasus rainbow kind. It's a random thing that goes off," he muttered in his growly voice.

"Oo! Oo! Can I have it?" Lilykit waved her paw. The guard handed her the MLP, and Lilykit started brushing her hair with her claws, accidentally ripping all of the rainbow mane off.

"NOOOO! I was going to name her Rainybow Sugarpie!" she screamed, hugging the hairless pony.

"I have an idea!" Brambleclaw suggested. He duck taped the mane back on with neon pink tape quickly.

"Yay! Now she's Rainybow Pinky Sugarpie!" Lilykit squealed as she grabbed her leaf backpack and flung it on. By the time they reached their gate, the warrior cats were hungry and thirsty.

"Let's go to Jamba Juice!" screamed Squirrelflight.

"YAAAAAY!" Cherrypaw squealed, racing after her. There they found Firestar pigging out on Popchips.

"Oh, hi," he muttered, smacking his lips. They were puffy with salt of the chips and he could barely open his mouth.

"Hah-lo ya crazah cats! May ah take yo ordah?" asked a WindClan cat working there with a Texan accent.

"YEES!" screamed Firestar. "MANGO TANGO!" Cries of cats followed his screech.

"Wild Strawberry!" Seedkit called.

"Another Mango Tango!" Squirrelflight screeched

"Strawberry Surfer!" Lilykit yowled.

"Chocolate!" Leafpool sang happily.

"KIWI SEAWEED!" yelled Skykit. Everyone stared at him.

"What? It's good!" the small gray kit shrugged, taking his green smoothie and slurping it, satisfied.

"Uhhhhhhhh. I GUESS I'll have the... er, Strawberry Surfer?" Mistkit mewed.

"I'm hungry!" snarled Mousefur. "In my day, we had good old Twinkies!"

"See here, Mousefur, Jamba Juice is the healthiest, best juice o' tha' country an' it's mighty good for ya! This is tha' best kind o' em al!" Purdy laughed, handing her a disgusting murky green Apple and Greens smoothie. The scrawny elder took one sip and fell over stiffly, landing with a loud clunk.

"Hi!" yowled Cloudfur as he returned from Einstein Bro's Bagels with Sandstorm and Hazeltail. Each of the cats were holding paper bags in which bagels for every cat were in.

"Gate 45 to Florida boarding now," said a voice on the loudspeaker.

"WE'RE LATE!" ThunderClan and ShadowClan screamed, running to the gate and streaming in.

**Me: Hey! Cloudtail quit his job... And now, we are using Scourge! YAAAAY! Come on in Scourgey! **

**Scourge: Grrr. **

**Me: Go on with the disclaimer or I'll have to type you as a fluffy pink sparkly she-cat! **

**Scourge: :O *says really fast* Moonshine does not own any real-life thing like Jamba Juice, Einstein Bro's Bagels, or Twinkies!**

**Me: Good!**

**Scourge: I'm gonna shred you. *slashes at shoulder and claws break from Moonshine's fur* NOOOO! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE CLAW, CLAWYKINS! **

**Me: You should know by now that your boss is invincible... Eh. Anyways, Scourge, you're fired! Bring in Hollyleaf for the next disclaimer! Enjoy readers, and review! Bye! **

**Random Kits: BYE! **


	4. Chapter 4: Stuff

Rrrooooar... Rrrrrumble! RAAAAHHHH! The plane took off, roaring like mad. ShadowClan screamed and ThunderClan just smiled and leaned back, enjoying the swoops that make their bellies tingle. Soon they were cruising smoothly, high above the ground.

Lilykit grinned as the plane landed in Orlando, Florida, but then quickly screamed in horror as Firestar padded out of the airplane's bathroom sporting fur so curly it was frizzy, and a Hawaiian flowery red shirt.

"HOLA, AMIGOS!" he yelled.

"You mean, 'Buenos dias mi amigos, y SHUT UP!'" Sandstorm replied in fluent Spanish, delivering the last two words in catspeak.

"We're not in Mexico, we're in France," snapped a random golden-brown she-cat apprentice that had suddenly appeared in the aisle. "Bonjour."

"WHO ARE YOU?" Daisy screamed like a little kit.

"Francepaw, French warrior cat extreme," she replied, tossing one of her brown braids that were freakishly humanlike, that grew on her head. Francepaw literally had human hair...

"MY COUSIN!" Thornclaw yowled in fluent French.

"MY COUSIN!" Brightheart randomly yowled in horrible Chinese to a black tom that called himself Noodleslurp.

"I like Chinese noodles," Noodleslurp meowed smugly in TERRIBLE Chinese.

"YOU COME FROM OHIO, NOT CHINA!" screamed a random cat in Botswanan.

"Awwwwwww, I thought the noodles would convince you..." the black tom sniffled, slurping up a noodle.

Lilykit heaved on her leaf pack and, holding Rainybow Pinky Sugarpie close, exited the plane.

Lilykit sighed as the bus filled with warrior cats. A shocked Twoleg driver was revving up the engine, so she made a flying leap for the dangling handholds and heaved herself onto them. Only then did she realize she was 6 feet off the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she yowled.

"Shaddup," Mousefur grumbled in perfect Japanese.

"Hi!" said Purdy in the Australian aborigine language. Lilykit heard a riiiip and she fell onto Firestar's head. The fat ginger tom fainted and had to be slapped in the face.

"Caramel," he muttered. Then his eyes snapped open. "From now until the end of our trip, THIS CLAN WILL BE KNOWN AS... DISNEYCLAN!"

"What," Blackstar meowed lamely. The bus stopped by the Disney World Resort and DisneyClan filed out, with Firestar giggling, hyped up with catnip Sandstorm just fed him, behind them.

Lilykit stared in awe at the ThunderClan hotel room. Already the queens were rushing the kits along to the bathroom for a bath.

"But, but, but I DONT WANNA!" screamed Dewkit, throwing a fit.

"It's okay, Sugarpie," gushed Daisy, about to let him off the hook.

"NU!" yowled Brightheart, throwing Dewkit into the tub where he hit his head and started mumbling random words.

"Toto papa nana kaka foofoo gaga," the gray tom kit muttered. "Sparkles. Gooby doo. Yoo, yoo, yoo." Daisy hopped into the bath and squirted the whole bottle of volumizer shampoo on her head. A small squirk came from her behind.

"AAAGH!" Lilykit screamed, realizing the fat kittypet had tooted.

"Toot, toot, poppy bubbles," Dewkit laughed maniacally.

"Oh, ShtarClan, I tink I'm going too-" Mousefur began in her funny little accent. "HWLEH!" The elder turned and vomited on Daisy.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" Daisy screamed, her stomach billowing around like jello. It slapped Lilykit on the face, so she bit it.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" screeched the fat queen.

**Me: HOLLYLEAF! **

**Hollyleaf: *sobs in corner* I hate the world...**

**Me: Say the disclaimer.**

**Hollyleaf: FINE, you evil, evil author! *sobs* **

**Me: Just do it.**

**Hollyleaf: *sniff* Moonshine does not own *sob* Disney World *snifffffle* or any other thing she mentioned, *SOB* in this book! WAAAAAAH! I HATE PIE!**

**Me: Okay then. Hollyleaf is Goth or whatever. YOU ARE FIRED FOR NOT LIKING PIE!**

**Lionblaze: Pie? Pie?! PIE?! I LOVE PIE!**

**Me: :3 Then you are hired! *snaps fingers* Dark Forest Security, take Hollyleaf away! **

**Thistleclaw: WHOA! You're a Thumbcat! (I do not own Thumbcat)**

**Me: Yup. **

**Thistleclaw: AND HOT! **

**Me: This is way too long. And Thistleclaw, how about same time, same place tomorrow? *does clicking sound with tongue* Bye, readers!**

**Thistleclaw: Totally, girl. Bye, readers! YOU TOMS DON'T DARE TAKE MY MOONSHINE! **

**Random Kits (again): BYE! **


	5. Chapter 5: Fluffbutt and Unicornshine

"OKAY EVERYONE. STORY TIME!" Firestar yowled through a blanket of frizzy ginger fur. Lilykit pulled up the sheets with her tiny paws and glanced at the warriors and apprentices in sleeping bags on the ground. Elders, queens, and kits littered the two king size beds, along with Firestar.

"A-hem," the stupid ginger leader began, opening Into the Wild. He didn't notice Daisy, Ferncloud, Sorreltail, Mousefur, Sandstorm, Whitewing, and Brightheart slipping out for an all-night Walmart shopping spree. As Firestar began to read lazily about his coming to the Clan, Lilykit closed her blue eyes and fell asleep.

The gray kit woke up at 3:00 AM to the group of Walmart-loving she-cats coming home.

"Abber dabber dabba doo," wailed Ferncloud exhaustedly. Lilykit threw a pillow filled with rocks at them and went back to sleep.

The next morning, the silver tabby she-kit awoke to Ferncloud groaning under a pillow filled with rocks.

"Who did this to you?" she asked innocently, not remembering the night before.

"Ba boom boom! Yea! Ba boom boom yea! YAH YAH! Gogo!" Squirrelflight's radio squealed as the ginger she-cat exercised to the energetic music.

"Ugh," Leafpool moaned, turning up her calming meditating music louder.

"STARSHIPS, WERE MEANT TO FLYYYYY-YYY-YYY, PAWS UP, AND TOUCH THE SKYYYYY," Ferncloud screamed as she danced horribly like a terrible "diva".

"Shut up, and go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, your stupid, and ug-e-lyyyyy," snapped Brambleclaw.

"RAWR! NO ONE CALLS MY FERNCLOUD STUPID AND UGLY!" yowled Dustpelt, attacking the tabby tom.

10 Minutes Later...

Brambleclaw lay on the ground with claw marks and bite marks all over him.

"Git off, youngster, yer stainin' tha carpet," Purdy wheezed. Jayfeather was too lazy to heal the dark tabby and called the ambulance.

"Sir, that will be a hundred dollars," the Twoleg doctor pried.

"Uhh..." Firestar threw a 3 rabbits at him and ran away.

Lilykit grabbed Sorreltail's paw as they waited in line for the Big Thunder Mountain. Cha-king! The door opened and she padded into the coaster. Tukatukatuka it chattered away. Dewkit blew in and out of a paper bag.

"ERMEGERD! AAAAAH!" screamed Firestar as they went down the first hill. Lilykit shot up and had to cling to the bar. Shoop! A bright ginger kit was flung onto Lilykit.

"WHAT THE VOLE!" she yowled.

"LANGUAGE, LILYKIT!" Sorreltail snapped.

"I'M BERRYKIT!" the ginger she-kit screamed. Everyone fell silent.

"Hi," Noodleslurp slurped.

"Bonjour," Francepaw cooed.

"WHERE THE TIGERCLAWING RABBIT DID YA COME FROM?" Skykit screeched.

"A place called Randominia, which is Moonshine, the author's, brain," Berrykit replied calmly.

"Uhh, who's The Author?" Dewkit asked.  
"Liar, she said the author, not The Author," Amberkit snapped.

"How did you know I said it with caps?"

"How do you know I said it in lowercase?"

"Uh, we have book powers, you know."

"Oh, right. Moonshine needs more randomness in her story! Command sequence 56, send in Fluffbutt and Unicornshine! Suddenly, a sparkly rainbow she-cat with a shiny white smile and a fuzzy brown tom with a fur "tutu" around his hips materialized.

"HI! I'm Unicornshine and this is my mate, Fluffbutt!" the sparkly she-cat squealed. Three kits popped into view."This is Rainbowkit, Fuzzykit, and Sparklefluffkit, our KITS!"

"Hey hey hey!" Moonshine yelled loudly. Everyone froze and immediately bowed down.

"First of all, thank you, and second of all, I HEREBY BANISH RAINBOWKIT, FUZZYKIT, AND SPARKLEFLUFFKIT FOR BEING UNICORNSHINE'S KITS BECAUSE SHE SUCKS BUT SHE'S NEEDED IN THE STORY SO YEAH!" the epic author yowled. The three kits squealed and tried to get away, but Thistleclaw, Tigerstar, and Brokenstar dragged them off the story. Fluffbutt coughed loudly.

"I will now preform Swanfluffbutt Lake, a Fluffbuttian classic!" He started dancing to Swan Lake and wiggling his fluffy tutu.

"O_O" the kits replied.

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT!" screamed Mistkit.

"Book powers. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lilykit laughed evilly. *Scary organ music plays*

Chapter 6: We All Love Warriorsbook

"YAAAAAY LETS ALL GO ON WARRIORSBOOK!" Firestar randomly yelled as  
the ride ended. It was awkward. Fluffbutt was hanging by his fur over the tracks, Unicornshine was watching My Little Pony on her sparkly rainbow iPhone, the kits were using their book powers, and the warriors were scarred for life.

Lilykit facecottoncandied for the 100th time because Unicornshine kept trying to fly like Pinky Pie off the back of her head.

"YAAAARGH!" Sorreltail screamed, and tackled the sparkly queen.

"IS ANYBODY HERE A DOCTOR!" Brambleclaw yelled.

"I AM!" Leafpool announced.

"WELL YOU'RE A NERD!" Brackenfur and Brambleclaw laughed evilly.

"*Sniff* You're so mean," Leafpool sobbed hysterically.

"Hey! That's from asdfmovie!" Firestar accused. "Anyways, I bought us all MacBook Pro 2012 Retinas!"

"YAAAAAAAAAY!" DisneyClan yowled.

Back at the hotel room, Lilykit got on her MacBook Pro and went on Warriorsbook (Facebook) to make a wall.

Name: Lily_Thunder_Rocks

Age: 4 moons

Lives: In ThunderClan, by the lake

Is Currently At: Florida Disney World

Hobbies: Playing, dancing, singing, eating, doing cat-fu, and hunting

"There!" she purred.

'Hay Leelykyit, nise prowfyul.' Dewy_Decimals_Rocks posted a minute later.

'Stalker! Who are you!' Lilykit replied quickly.

'Its Deewwkyit, stooopid.' Dewy_Decimals_Rocks commented after 3 minutes.

'Oh. You have really bad spelling, though. But the grammar's okay.' his friend answered after only 30 seconds. A cat named Flower_Seed_Cat joined the chat 5 minutes later.

'Hi Lilykit. It's Seedkit! What's up with Dewkit? That's horrible spelling.'

'I don't know. Hey, I want to go see Mousefur's profile.' Lilykit answered.

'Sure.' They all left the chat.

"Let's see." Lilykit clicked the ThunderClan link Firestar had opened and scrolled down. Leader, deputy, warriors, apprentices, queens and kits, and, aha, elders! She clicked Mousefur and opened up to a colorful wall. O_O

Lilykit brushed up against Seedkit as they walked into the video room of the Tower of Terror. Firestar was biting his claws until they were flat stumps.

Dodododododododododo the creepy music began. All 56 cats in the room bushed their tails up. Firestar started crying like a baby.

"This is getting too normal," Squirrelflight said loudly. "Command sequence 23, send in Jiggles the Cat and Pop Tart!" A plump brown Abyssinian and a gray she-cat with a pink back sprinkled with rainbow-colored specks floated down from who knows where.

"Where the halibut am I?" the fat tom asked, wide-eyed. "I was just napping on my owner's bed, and here I am.

"Jiggles, you forgot already we made a deal with Moonshine to be in her story," the gray cat, Pop Tart, snorted.

"I didn't make any deal."

"Ohhhhhh. Yeah, it was Giggles who made the deal. But he's on business in Washington DC for a Fancy Feast Office meeting. So Squiggles should fill in for him." Jiggles disappeared and a skinny dark brown Abyssinian appeared.  
"Move on," Moonshine snapped as she suddenly appeared. "NOW!" She vanished and Pop Tart sighed.

Lilykit buckled herself into the seat of the Tower of Terror nervously. She hoped no kit would smack her in the face this time. Skykit and Berrykit were enough. She felt the room jerk back... Then rise.

"OhmyStarClangonnadiegonnadiegonnadiegonnaDIEEEE!" Blackstar sobbed in a corner, hugging Rowanclaw, his deputy. The door opened to the elevator and Lilykit saw a camera flash.

"AAAAAAGH!" Blackstar screeched, flinging himself out.

"BUT I WAS GONNA USE YOU FOR A PIE," Amberkit whined. Everyone stared at her.

"Oh, uh, hehe, BYE!" she vanished quickly. The elevator free fell down and all the cats who unbuckled themselves started floating in zero gravity.

"How tall is this freaky thing?" Squirrelflight yelled.

"Ummmmmmm, 100000000 miles, and it takes five days to get down..." Firestar replied.

"Sure hope Blackstar's okay," Tawnypelt meowed sarcastically. Lilykit floated around eating potato chips out of the air while Dewkit barfed in his paper bag. Occasionally, all the floating cats would hit the ceiling because of a random burst of speed, but other then that it was fun.

"U, G, L, Y, what does that spell, no alibi, Ugly! Eh, eh, UGLY! (I do not own song)!" Squirrelflight sang at Ratscar, who growled under his breath.

"La La La la la!" Pop Tart flew around, singing. Firestar was on an online dating website (much to Sandstorm's dislike) and chatting with a 20 year old Twoleg named Jessica.

"Gosh StarClan, I'm starving!" Daisy complained, scratching her fat belly.

"I'll take 10 orders of Mouse White Rice, 5 orders of Vole Potstickers, and 6 sides of Mushi Sparrow with those thresh pancakes," Brackenfur meowed over the phone to Catran Gourmet.

"Our takeout will be here in 10 hours!" he announced proudly.

"Takeout, carry-away, or parcel refers to prepared meals or other food items, purchased at a restaurant, that the purchaser wants to eat somewhere else." Everyone turned to Seedkit, who cleared her throat.

"You copied that from Wikipedia," Ivypool snorted.

"Ivy-y, we're making a Lionblaze fan club! Wanna join?" Dovewing gushed.

"SURE, Dovey!" Ivypool squealed.

"Cindery is our president!" Rosepetal screamed. Suddenly all the she-cats slammed to the floor.

**Me: I do not own anything but the plot...**

**Thistleclaw: WILL YOU MARRY ME?**

**Me: YES!**

***romantic music and applause***


End file.
